Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

At sea...alone


I'm feeling weird. the first pangs of nostalgia for my life- as-it-was have started and we are not even a month into the new one....i miss my husband & he's the only one who knows how tough this is for his wife to admit on a public forum (most often spousal compliant is that he is missing from these pages)
As my head spins with new concepts, classes, people, cultures, clubs, groups, assignments, readings, parties & a little bit of wine too I look for my anchor and suddenly I realize it isn't there, suddenly I feel lost, a bit adrift on uncharted waters with not so much as a sketchy blueprint for this grand new life I'm trying to create....
Its only a feeling, a moment & it'll pass

"We'll do it all, everything. On our own.
We dont need , anything or anyone...
If I lay here, if I just lay here
will you lie here with me & just forget the world"

Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Year of Possibility




It's that time of the year again. The change of guards is taking place & interestingly the mood on both sides of the border is rather similar albeit for different reasons.

The class of J07 have graduated & the bloggers are saying their goodbyes. May they all make tons of money & hold interesting positions in a variety of careers. May they always be available for the rest of us that follow for advice, networking and hopefully a drink or two over discussions on the alma mater.

I now feel the need to change status on hella's list from applicant to student. There are only 45 days to start of school now & "the one year to challenge our thinking, change our outlook" is about to start with a vehemence.

So whats the activity like 45 days before school? here's a round up-
I'm still struggling to become a Francophone - in a desperate bid to pass my exit language requirement
I still have not touched my pre reading material, emboldened by so many others who claim the same but may just be the best economists, finance gurus or account maverick. I'm none of the above but I took heart when a current D07 student put it simply - this is the time to enjoy with family & friends. Re charge the batteries & rest because the next 10 months are anything but an easy ride.
Socialising is paramount right now. There are a round of parties & almost all weekdays & weekends are filled with them. The parties are not being called 'farewell' just yet but interestingly thats all we talk about now a days. From friends, family, colleagues, boss the conversation runs the same ground - the new life... and like clockwork within 5 minutes of this conversation the Q comes up - are you coming back?
I don't know I say, i don't know anything...
What are you going to do? I don't really know
Where will you work post college? I don't really know
How will you cope away from home, away from your spouse? I don't really know


My reluctance to commit to any answers & hug all this uncertainty comes from simply realizing that this year is special. Special because its the year of possibilities & maybe thats the reason why for all those who passed out from INSEAD still call it the best year of their lives.


One year to challenge your thinking, change your outlook and choose your future

I intend to do that.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

The funny business of Films




I wanted to write a post on the film I saw last night. As with most mundane of offerings, the more worse off the product is, the more creative my critique becomes. This suffices but you start to lose your zeal when everything you watch is mundane, irrelevent and just plain old bad. Its becoming a sad plight, I love the movies. Its one art form that captured me young and has never let go. I ache to be able to go to a film and feel moved, to feel... But apart from the growing DVD nights, the multiplex doesn't satisfy & its disappointing.
So instead of another ranting on another bad flick, this is a ranting on the whole big picture.
Zantos wrote about the Danish TV show about kidney donation & to continue that discussion, here are my thoughts.
The media business is set to explode all across the world. I can imagine salivating executives coming out their conferences with numbers buzzing in their heads, new jargons flying about like saucers and a triumphant boss rubbing his hands with glee shouting "Show me the money!"
Technology has created new ways to create content, new ways to distribute it and new ways to digest it. So the going should be great but it isn't. Why?

Because no one knows how, why or what that 'content' should say. Over last month I met many so called important movie executives & it all seemed so strange. They all have money, bags of it . They all want movies which are different, which are cool, which are meaningful but don't know where to look. They proudly stake their claim to spot a winner because now they have a 'script' department. What they don't mention is that this script department is two nubile young things working on subsistence pay to read and judge scripts. Who are they, what is their qualification and on what basis do they judge.
I wrote a script some moons ago, but never took it out anywhere. No I wasn't scared of the judgment but yes I was scared of who would pronounce this judgment. Whose subjective sensibilities would make my destiny? Whose own childhood memory, first love, college experience, his first pay, the car or the humble train e/she took to work would decide what I offer is of what quality?
And herein lies the problem. On one side of the stage are the waiting audience needing entertainment, information, insights. And on the other side of the gangway is the executives wanting to deliver, wanting to satisfy this apparent need and make some serious moolah.
In the middle are the artists - not knowing on whose directions to move. Who pulls the strings? The money men who'll offer them a chance? The audience who will make them a star? Or themselves & that voice in their heads that made them come to this tentative world of struggles & souls?

And so we get the kidney doner show, the movie with all the resources but no resolution, the song with all the pomp but no voice, the art with all its shenanigans but no voice.
We are developing so fast & there are so many opportunities but no training, no world -view, no ethical conundrum, no definition of taste, no political stand point, no basis in the role we play in the world. No clue how are actions and our work acutely affect and create a new consciousness. No idea of long term impacts and absolutely no concern that as a small or large part of the media, of the world, we leave our imprints in one way another.

Apologies, this turned out to be a highly personal stream of consciousness piece but then true love does always have the deepest agony :)

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Good news, Bad news

Sad news stared at me in my inbox today. I didn't get a scholarship I had applied to. Strangely i thought it wouldn't hurt this bad but it does. Maybe just the prospect of rejection- something I haven't mastered the handling of...
The website declares that 2 of the scholarships i applied for have been decided upon yet I have only received an email on one of them. Both these were scholarships i had hopes for so let see what happens to the remaining 4. Shouldn't start mourning just yet, keeping the fingers crossed

On a happy note I have finally managed to book a romantic getaway holiday and I'm super excited...its the same place & hotel as our honeymoon. It's a befitting holiday to mark the end of one phase & the start of another...where we'll reach by the end of the year is anyone's guess but i love nothing more than an open road & such opportunities come so rarely in life